Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Memories

What makes us remember certain things and forget others? What makes some memories never fade? or do they all eventaully fade to subdued colors and shadows of what really happened?

I have only been gone from Korea for about 10 days and Korea seems like a dream. I feel like I went to sleep one night and woke with feelings and impressions of a faraway place. What has made Korea fade into a dream feeling so quickly?

I suspect that it is not so much me, but the atmosphere that I find my self in presently. This place has affected my memories of Korea. When I returned to the USA, I felt different. I was more self-relient, independent, free-thinking and I expected Oconomowoc and Wisconsin to have changed more. But, I found it pretty much the same as when I left it. True, the Starbucks is open, there is a St.Vincent De Paul and a Stein's gifts, but the town feels pretty much the same; there are the same people at church and in the stores. I have fallen back into my old routine with my parents, which has also made my life in Korea feel like a routine.

Another factor is that I can't talk with anyone here who has shared the same experiences in Korea with me. I feel disconnected to the people there and to those here. I feel inbetween worlds almost.

I really hate this feeling. I feel like I lost my new identity and was forced to take my old identity. I am afraid that I will lose what I gained in Korea: both my memories and my improved personality.

Quote:
What peaceful hours I once enjoy'd! How sweet their memory still! But they have left an aching void The world can never fill. --William Cowper

2 comments:

paul said...

Very nice posting, Kat, but don't fret too much about losing your memories and new identity. These kinds of experiences only seem like a dream at first; down the road they'll begin to emerge anew as a permanent part of you. The trick is to not let this year become your albatross: look forward as you look back.

Anonymous said...

After I read this post, I feel kind of sad.But don't worry about your memorries are disapearing. I know the whole things( experience and friends in korea) make you bigger person.

-suki