There are some days where a person can feel so creative and full of life and art. Today is not a creative day. Today is one of those days where I feel like reading or working on projects. Cooking sounds like fun. I don’t know what I should do….
I am not used to the quiet in my house. The only sound is the faint chirping of birds as they crowd together in the pine bush by the feeder. I can also hear a train in the distance bound for Chicago or Minneapolis. The occasional sound of a car on the road also reaches my ear. The heating vent makes a white noise as it fills my room. Although it is peaceful, I find this lack of noise a little unsettling too. I used to hate the sound of the street vendors on the street below my apartment in Korea. I still hate it, but I kind of miss the energy that it brings to the day. The lack of noise here makes me feel sleepy and too calm. I need a little more energy to awaken my drive to write and to be creative.
The coffee shops in my town lack what I need to write. There is Stone Creek and it is so austere and loud with voices and coffee-making that it is impossible to write or to hold a conversation without shouting. Starbucks is quieter, but there are very few chairs or tables. It’s the worst Starbucks that I have ever seen. There’s a place called Brewer’s II café, which is kind of nice, but expensive and lacking in really comfortable chairs. Finally, there is Java Hut, which was once really nice but since it has new owners, the hours are sporadic and unpredictable. I should give it a try again because maybe it has improved. I need some java right now to wake me up and to give me that warm feeling. There is nothing like a mug of coffee with caramel syrup and whipped cream to get you in an artistic mood (or a large glass of whiskey could do the same, but it’s too early to drink).
If I would ever become a successful writer, my drink would be whiskey in the vain of the great writers. Hemingway has really made me want to try absinthe, but that is only available in Europe, I believe, because of its damaging effects.
I really don’t know how writers do it. How do they manage to write books? I sit here and I struggle. I think that I need to find a working condition that works for me. I used to like to write my college term papers by waking up at 5 am, sitting at my roll top desk and just typing furiously before anyone even got up. I was so focused and productive. I have had similar success at night.
I hope that when I start working, that I won’t be thinking about interviews and choices, so I can focus more on my writing. It’s probably just wishful thinking. God knows that I don’t have many people to do things with right now, so I don’t have that many distractions. My distractions pretty much include only eating, pets, chores, TV and the job search and my health. I have the biggest desire that I have ever had to write fiction, but it is also the hardest for me to start right now. I feel obligated to write my book about Korea and not to work on fiction. Also, I have always been so afraid of writing fiction and being horrible at it. My worst nightmare is only being able to write trite and cliché material. I want to be great and my fear of being horrendous or even typical prevents me from even starting. It’s ridiculous really because you can’t be bland or great unless you write something. I will start! I will! I need to actively pursue my requirement of writing one hour a day on my Korea book. Starting today, that goal will be met. Right after I get something to eat…
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance?"
"A wise man will make more opportunities that he finds."