Paying respects to a fallen hero

Opicka remembered by family, friends, veterans

LUXEMBURG - From the line of visitors that stretched outside Luxemburg-Casco High School, the many gifted flower arrangements and the tears that were shed and the smiles shared, it was evident Lance Cpl. Dean Opicka touched many lives as family and friends remmebered his life during Wednesday's visitation.

That is the beginning of the story that I wrote for Thursday's edition of the Freeman. On Wednesday, I drove to Luxemburg (north of Green Bay) to attend the visitation for Opicka. It was a very difficult story to do, but one that I was also honored to do.

Unsure of how the family would react to my presence during the visitation, I waited in the line that stretched outside of the high school. It took me about 45 to 50 minutes to get to the end of the line where the Opicka family was standing. Along the way, I was able to look at many memory boards and mementos on display. Dozens of flower arrangements had been given to the family, along with benches, memorial garden plaques and trees. Opicka's guitars and keyboard were on display next to a scrapbook that his fiancee had created of one of their trips.

As I approached the family, I wondered what to say. More often than not when I am doing an obit story, I forgo the hollow words like I am sorry for your loss or please accept my condolences. I know that whatever I say as a reporter will sound insincere.

On Wednesday, I said that I had written the story last week for the Freeman and that I had come to pay my respects. I then asked if I could interview people and take some photos. The family was as receptive as could be possible under the circumstances.

I was surprised at the emotional and physical toll attending the visitation took on me. The whole time, I felt very self conscious and very self aware. I had to keep building up my nerve to go to talk to people and take photos of them. It was hard not to let myself feel like an intruder in this very personal, emotional time.

The hardest part was talking to Opicka's future in-laws, Debby and Jim Bonkoski. Debby told me how their daughter had a wedding countdown calendar in her room and how the couple were planning the wedding even while Dean was stationed in Iraq. While I talked to them, the Bonkoskis fought back tears and I did as well.
"It's hard to think about what they could have had and what an awesome life they could have had together," she told me.
Jim agreed.
"It was like a match made in heaven - truly," he said.
Jim Bonkoski saw a lot of potential in Dean.
"(There was) so much going for him and he touched so many lives," he said. "He did more in his 29 years than a lot of people do in their entire lives. We were just thrilled to have him as a future son-in-law."

What amazed me was that even though I was asking them such difficult questions, the Bonkoskis thanked me for the stories we had published about Dean and thanked me for doing so much. I only wish that I could do more!

Throughout the process of writing the stories about Dean, and previously about Staff Sgt. Chrisopher Frost who died in Iraq about a month ago, I try to emotionally distance myself from the soldiers and their families. I think that if I didn't, I couldn't write the stories.

I really hope that I don't have to write any more stories about soldiers who have died fighting overseas. It's nor for selfish reasons because doing these stories keep getting easier, but because I truly do care about them and their families. Throughout it all, I worry about my friends who are serving in the Army and all the other young soldiers with so much potential who risk their lives everyday.


QOUTE:

"HE WAS PROUD TO BE A MARINE, BUT NEVER TOO PROUD TO GIVE HIS AUNT A HUG AND A KISS IN THE CROWD," said Dolores Gano, Dean's aunt.

Highs and Lows

Sometimes I wonder if every one's life is as filled with highs and lows as mine is. I know a lot of it is the nature of my job and my position. There are days when I am very busy and then there are days when the hours I work prevent me from accomplishing a lot at work. Some days I work on stories that are very rewarding on a personal level, while other days the stories are dry and just something to get done.

This week is also full of highs and lows so far. I am always excited to help out with my church's rummage sale. It's a twice yearly sale and I am in charge of the clothes in the boutique section. This week's rummage sale feels like extra work due to different circumstances and because of my busy schedule. But the sale definitely has its rewards. Besides helping raise money for missions, I usually find some very nice things, such as my crystal decanter and shot glasses, my aluminum cake keeper, my white vintage coat and my vintage cashmere sweater. Tomorrow, I will spend a lot of time there sorting, hanging and pricing the clothes.

It's hard for me to feel excited about the rummage sale or anything else knowing what I have to do today. I offered last week to go to the funeral for the latest soldier with ties to Waukesha County to be killed in Iraq. I did the story when we first learned that he had been killed. I wanted to cover the funeral for a couple selfish reasons: I could work days and I could get out of the office. Also, I felt a connection to this man and his family, whom I talked with, and I knew that it would be best if the story process continued with me.

Now, however, I am dreading covering his visitation today. It's up north near Green Bay, which I knew, but I am not looking forward to driving there and back by myself. Also, I still have to work nights. The biggest obstacle is taking pictures of the event today. People often don't mind talking, but it feels kind of intrusive to be there with my camera taking pictures. The one good thing is that the visitation, military walk-through and military service will be held in the high school's gymnasium, so that makes it more open and less personable than a funeral home. It will definitely be a challenge for me that I hope will have its rewards by helping me become a better reporter and photographer. It also feels good to know that my editors trust me with this much responsibility.

I already did one obit story about a longtime New Berlin principal this week, so I hope that after today, I will get a break from the dead beat again. It's ironic though, that the obit stories I write, I get the most positive feedback from. Often, the family will contact me and thank me for doing the story. I never knew that stories like that would touch so many people.

So, I just have to get through today and enjoy working at the rummage sale tomorrow during work day, which is when the pot luck lunch is! Yummy.


Quote:

"If you don't find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time looking for him further."
--Mohandas K. Gandhi